This post is solely dedicated to my sister. She’s going through some growing pains. She is slowly but surely becoming the odd woman out; the last of the “single” girls. She is currently in a relationship, but it is in the early stages with its own complications, further distancing her from her core group of girlfriends. So Tizz, this one is for you.
Marriage is the union of two people, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do you part. When you do get married, make sure it is for the right reasons. Don’t do it because anyone other than the two of you said to do it (or not do it). This is for real, for the long haul, so make sure you choose wisely.
When you get to that point know this, marriage is whatever you want it to be. If you want to be the stereotypical domestic goddess, subservient wife, then more power to you. If you want a passionate, 50 Shades of Gray type marriage, that’s great too (just don’t tell Mom and Dad)! If you want to fill your house with ten kids and become the ultimate Mom and Dad, then perfect! Whatever you decide, make sure you are both on the same page.
There are some key concepts to keep in mind once you do get married. Two individuals came into this union, and marriage doesn’t mean that your individuality vanishes. You are always entitled to your own friends, your own personal time and your own opinions. Just because you are a permanent couple doesn’t mean that you give up the couple of decades of you being you. Your life is not over when you get married. It’s really just beginning.
When (or if) the kids come, the foundation of your relationship will be rocked to the core. You hear people make comments all the time about how much stronger their marriage is now that they have children. They are lying. Despite the aggravations, the two of you came before your new bundle of joy and remembering you came first (both literally and figuratively) will keep your marriage in check. Take advantage of the dozens of people who volunteer to babysit and go on dates or even vacations. And don’t feel guilty about doing either of those things.
Everyone should experience having children (a topic I will cover in another post), but if you cannot have them, do not let the lack of parenthood define you or your relationship. Buy a nice car, fill your house with a couple of sweet dogs and relish in the amount of money you will always have, vacations you can always take and the blessed time you will have with each other.
I got lucky. I met my best friend when I was 15, somehow convinced him that I was a catch, stole him away from another girl and nearly six and a half years after our first date, met him at the alter. We’ve been together for over fourteen years, and our relationship isn’t perfect. There are days I want to send him back to that other girl, but we make up for those days with interesting conversation, doing things we love to do and a lot of laughs. I can only hope that you are as lucky as I have been. I managed to nab a man who is a caring, thoughtful, hilarious husband, a fun, loving, attentive father and he also happens to do laundry, cook and vacuum.
Marriage is hard. It may be the toughest job (save being a parent) you will experience. But at the end of the day, it is worth it and will be one of the most wonderful, fantastic, rewarding decisions you ever make. So ignore the haters, take your time and don’t screw it up : ).